The Sweetest Lie (All Relationships Have One)

Took my husband to the airport this morning so he could fly off to another country and make us some more money. He enjoys making us money, though not flying to other countries so much.

It's his job, you see. To take care of the kids and me. And it makes his chest swell out really big when he thinks he is doing it well. It makes him feel needed as well as productive.

I often make the joke that he is good for more than just changing light bulbs and killing spiders. He laughs too, but not as hard as me.

He supports my various interests, which right now happens to be internet marketing. So I really can't complain. I stay home with the kids (some days I DO complain about that), and he let's me run with whatever tickles my fancy.

However, part of this stems from the fact that fresh out of college I turned down the various offers of headhunters who wanted to place me with several different companies in other states. Moving was not a possibility as far as my husband was concerned because he was HAPPY with HIS JOB. Discussion closed.

Jobs in my field were hard to come by in the area where we live, so guess who had to look for jobs in other fields? After trying several fields that just didn't do it for me, I finally went back to school and got a graduate degree in yet another field that I didn't really enjoy either. Turns out he had some opinions about what I did down that path as well.......

He also had opinions about the town we lived in, the church we went to, the piece of property he was willing to live on.........and since he had such difficulty with change I tried to be unselfish about things.

Now, am I blaming him? Yes and no. I allowed my decisions to be made for me, and I allowed him the power to make me feel guilty if I didn't go along. (I have spent my whole adult life trying NOT to be the wicked witch that is my mother.)

(Uh, my mother.....)

So while he tries to pretend that he showers me in decadence by catering to my every whim, we both know the truth.

Hubby has been a naughty, selfish boy. And now he's trying to make himself feel better about it.

I titled this post "The Sweetest Lie" partly because that's what this is all about - the lie we both know exists. And because it's the name of a Goo Goo Dolls song that I love.

But in the end, I stay home with my kids, I have a new house, I drive a nice car.....I guess being fulfilled with my work is just too much to ask for on top of everything else.

However, I am really digging the internet marketing these days. It has turned into a huge challege, and I am up for that challenge. The learning curve is quite steep, and I am mostly self-taught. I probably would not be doing this if I had some high-profile job that I originally craved right out of college.

So I should thank him for being so selfish, right?

Habitual Liars (And What You Can Get Away With If You Are Pretty)

There are these people out there in the world who apparently think that lying is okay. In fact, some of them appear to think it is a sport, and a competitive one at that.

You know the people I am talking about. They will look you straight in the eye and tell you a lie for absolutely no reason other than the thrill of it. Then they will spin another lie to back up the first one.

One of my friends was just telling me earlier today about problems with her boyfriend who is a habitual liar. Living with someone like that just tires you out after a while. It takes a lot of energy to navigate the waves of lies.

My first husband was a real dandy. If there had been an Olympic competition for lying he would have won it hands down. The best part was that his mom was in complete denial of his problem. Oh, she knew what a liar he was but frequently spouted that "He doesn't lie to his mama!" with so much conviction that she must have believed it on some level. I would just smile cuz whatever lie he had told her five minutes before was usually a good one.

The other thing is that liars always want someone to back up their story. My ex would constantly put me on the spot  by asking me to back up his wild stories. It was very difficult for me since I have never made a habit of lying and had to find many creative ways of wiggling out of those situations.

By the time we were ready for a divorce his lying was to the point of being laughably ridiculous. He couldn't honestly think ANYONE believed those stories! But he kept spinning them.

I have often wondered about the pitiful girls who got him after me and what they probably had to put up with. But they probably did it with a smile.....he does look like a Greek god, after all. At least he DID. I haven't seen him or spoken to him in years. Hmm...wonder if he still looks that pretty (and if girls are still putting up with his crap).

People always forgave him because they wanted to be his friend. I also forgave him for years because I wanted to be his wife, despite the fact I couldn't believe a word that ever came out of his mouth.

I believe it's true that pretty people get further in life because people "like" them better and are attracted to them on many different levels (not just romantic).

I personally like to put my head on a pillow at night with a clear conscious. But that's just me.

How To Have a Happier Marriage - My Take On It

I have my own take on marriage that's probably not that popular. Well, at least I am DEVELOPING a different view.

This is a fact: The mate you pick at twenty is not usually the person you would pick at thirty - or forty. It continues to change as you you get older. Maturity and knowledge play a lot into it, along with changing interests.

Stop for just a minute and ask yourself -Am I happy with the partner I have right now? Be honest. Don't tell yourself a lie so you will feel good about your life...that's counterproductive.

In between my two marriages I dated several different guys. None of them were "the one" but I enjoyed the variety. I had always gone from one heavy relationship to another, so just enjoying the moment was great for a while.

What am I trying to say here? Well, marriage is a scary proposition. You are supposed to commit to it forever, but forever is a mighty long time. Are there people who can be happy with each other for fifty years? Apparently so, at least they claim to be.

Ever heard of serial monogamy? It's where you are exclusive, but not together forever. You don't even plan to stay together forever necessarily, but you are totally exclusive and monogamous while you are together. Then you will probably go be monogamous with someone else when your current relationship has run its course. Hmm....

While this might sound good on the surface, society would completely fall apart if this was how everyone operated. Plus, there would be a whole generation of children with severe insecurity issues. I can't even imagine the implications of that a few generations down the road.

So how DO you have a happier marriage? You make the decision to be happy everyday, so matter what your situation might be. Then you treat your mate as well as you want to be treated. Try to be as honest as you can without telling your mate things to would hurt them for no good reason. I personally believe that it's okay to have a few secrets from your mate. Sometimes it is even healthier.

I know people who have cleared their conscious about affairs that happened ten or twenty years before only to crumble their spouse's world. I believe that is sort of selfish at that point (especially after that much time). But that's just my personal opinion....not everyone will agree with that.

So here's my advice: Be thankful for at least one thing everyday. Then be thankful for one thing about your spouse each day. It will make a huge difference over time.

And be your own person.