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Ever have a bad day that is so f***ed up you just want to scream.....or cry.....or hit something.....or hit SOMEONE?
So here's the thing. We all have certain beliefs that we build our world on (and around). If we are lucky we build our belief systems on ideals and not people. People will disappoint you every time, just give them enough time.
I have been reading a lot on the topic of happiness and the law of attraction lately and have been trying to implement many tried and true aspects into my life. I have really been making lots of headway lately, then today -WHAM! Right to the head - something hit me like a ton of bricks. (No, I am not going to tell you what it was.....cuz then you would REALLY think I'm insane.)
You see, it doesn't take much to change my mood. The smallest thing will make me ecstatic, but then five minutes later a tiny, insignificant thing convinces me that life is not worth living.
I seriously think that lots of suicides happen because people who were destined for great lives instead end up with "okay" lives....and they know it.
I am not joking or trivializing suicide. I have been on the verge a few times and I know how peaceful it feels when you make the decision to do it. Suddenly, everything is right in your world. How f***ed up is that?
(My significant other is out of town right now - which is both good and bad. Nothing more to say about that.)
When you wake up and realize this is not the life you signed up for, not what you planned - what do you do? Is an "okay" life really okay?
When you have been numb for a long time, asleep even, and then one day you wake up - what do you do when things are set on a track headed for a scary place you don't want to go? ("Okay" is a scary place, in case you don't know.)
My personal belief is that all people are destined for greatness. I sincerely believe that every person is born with innate abilities and unending possibilities. I have seen some people overcome situations and succeed in life in ways that have proved it to me.
Here's the problem: We get off track. We make bad decisions. We end up living someone else's dream....which is fine, except it's not our dream.
It doesn't matter how good you've got it if it's not what you want. Life is not "One Size Fits All" and you are not ungrateful if you want something different. And no matter what some churches tell you, it IS okay for you want a fulfilling life. It's not selfish. You can't contribute to things and people outside yourself if you don't have anything inside yourself to give.
You should crave the companionship of a mate who makes you tingle from your head to your toes. You should always go after one more thing that will make you happy. Never take "no" for an answer, always turn it into a "yes" instead.
(I need to take my own advice more often.)
After all this rambling, you can understand why I feel the need to just CHANGE THINGS. I want to change the BIG things, but since I can't do that right now without disrupting the lives of MANY innocent people.....I guess I will continue to change the little things instead. All I can do is all I can do.
So I am sitting here tonight licking my wounds and wondering what kind of new curtains I might buy.
Good night, everyone.
